Jan 23, 2008

DECLINE AND FALL OF THE AMERICAN EMPIRE

SEATTLE, Washington – Hillary, Obama, Edwards: it matters not. No one can save us now.

Tonight I discovered a game on my cheapo cell, affectionately nicknamed the "Barbie phone" for its vapid teenybopper graphics and Malibu-beach-house-quality plastics.

Strip poker. Animated strip poker.

"I'll bet some clothes for $150," Hayley purrs, before the 30-second demo expires. The rights-reserved screen gets more airtime than the bimbo. Sheesh.

The Yank star, clearly, has supernova-ed. The riders of the Apocalypse are nigh. Personally, I'm blaming Dubya for overall erosion of style, morals and morale. But – strictly speaking – it's a Virgin mobile, so we really should tar and feather impresario Richard Branson.

He'd better hope his next stunt-balloon crashes nowhere near the Emerald City ... I'd wipe that super-sized grin off his gob quick-sharp.

8 comments:

  1. I've seen worse things than that cell phone, ma'am. When I was in the cirus, one of the clows had a juice dispenser shaped like a woman's booby. Yes, you had to suck it.

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  2. Want to talk sucking? With a 30-second demo, all you see is card-shuffling.

    I couldn't even get properly outraged by pixelated porn...

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  3. Was it only ladies? Or could you look at pixelated men too?

    Does Strip Poker really work in real life? I would have thought Strip Blackjack would be more logical, or strip Baccarat actually. Yes Strip Baccarat would be perfect for that sort of situation where you both quite want to be naked but want it to appear to be an accident.

    I played strip billards once, but that is a story for another time.

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  4. Ladies only. Well, lady, in fact. And I use that term very loosely.

    Louche, I believe Strip Poker reigns supreme because it's often reduced to "War" basically. No matter how drunk, most people can pick up a face-down card and flip it onto their forehead.

    So like Baccarat, the game is pretty unskilled. You just need a dealer sober enough to determine the lowest card and start the "off, off, off" chant.

    Not that I've played or anything. I'm saving myself for Strip Passport,
    provided that my stamp-happy colleagues Marie
    Javins
    and Jad Davenport have left
    the building.

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  5. Oh man, I feel like a fool. How could a Yank ever school a Brit on Strip Poker?

    You guys are world-beaters at this game (possibly because you're forced to wear so many scarves and jumpers and wellies?).

    Check out this Wikipedia snippet:

    "In April 2006, as an April Fool's Day joke, Irish bookmaker Paddy Power announced their intention to stage a strip poker tournament. The level of interest generated by this announcement persuaded Paddy Power to stage such a tournament for real, the World Strip Poker Championships on August 19, 2006 in London's Café Royal. Paddy Power intended this to be the largest ever tournament of its kind and the company has been recognised by Guinness World Records as having hosted the world's largest strip poker tournament (196 players). Paddy Power's tournament in London was eventually won by Jon Young, a 32-year-old freelance writer and artist from Slough, Berkshire, United Kingdom."

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  6. Liberal Lawyer8:38 AM

    I'm even more intrigued by the Pillow Fight application featured in the screen pictured in your post...

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  7. Oh, suddenly you like the Barbie phone better, eh?

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  8. I'm always gambling at the best UK online casinos because of the regulation and reputation in the UK.

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