Road Remedies

BARREL OF MONKEYS
FOUNTAIN HILLS, Arizona – Enough with the moping, already. On with the self-indulgent 2006 recap:

• Cakebabies and a wig-stealing stripper
• Drifts in my décolleté in Quebec
• Roman spring, always uplit with birds
• Amanda versus the volcano
• Tibetan gong massage and mini golf in Slovenia
• Bihac-slapped in Bosnia
• Substituting wander for lust in Croatia
• South African jackasses
• Elephant safari in Zimbabwe
• Deckside passage to Alaska
• Bears behind trees
• Tremolo lovesong of the Yukon mosquito
• Calm as the hurricane's eye: scuba in Honduras
• Slow like a horse from Copan
• Diving the cocaine archipelago in Colombia
• Surfing the wild Pacific Rim

And some memorable one-liners:

• What you need is a man to give you lots of babies. Just breed and you get an EU passport! – date in Rome
  
• Vandals wind up in their underpants. – Italian bus announcement
• I come from Alaska to Eastern Europe to save your sorry @ss, you're not at the train station and you make me sleep in a cell? – ERH
• Gooooooooooo! – Hobbes the Abused 4-H Llama
• Well, it was a rather small coup, really. And the passengers didn't manage to hijack the plane properly. But then a man had a fatal heart attack in the terminal...– talking shop in London
• A diamond tooth is hot, f*cking hot.– Hatboy
• You're definitively his child. We're not so sure about the maternity, though. – Ellen, la mia mamma
• I'm all f*cking Zen now.– after the three-night Alaskan ferry
• Romance today is hard. It's not like when I was young. Why your grandfather and I went on a first date at the morgue! – Emma
• Why was Grieg short? Was that happenstance? – a colleague
• We think that means the entire world is a huge playground, and all you have to do is go out and play, be attentive, and it will reward you endlessly. – baby advice
• Without tits, there is no paradise.– Colombian TV show
• You don't have monkey mind. You have a whole barrel of monkeys. – Edward Readicker-Henderson