Mar 28, 2008


Flights taken in the last three years: 115
Flights with a fella: 2
Flights where I got to hold my beau's hand: 1
Amount I loathed the witch who wouldn't trade window seats: 110%
Couples who would have been reunited, if only Ms Thing moved: 3
Number of kindly passengers troubleshooting around her rudeness: 12
Approximate times I've swapped seats to help others: 32
Amount I now believe in good karma: 2%
Circle of hell reserved for this wench: 11


  1. I almost tipped my icecubes down her back (I'd switched from an aisle to a central seat to reunite one of the three couples, at least. And, erm, to prove a bloody point).

    Instead, I silently cursed her. "May all the tawdry gemstones drop from your rings, unless they're family heirlooms."

    Here's the weird thing: she looked like a pinched, mousy-but-vicious middle-aged executive until she stood up. Whoa! Those were some seriously SM-looking patent leather five-inch heels.

    So perhaps I received some freebie malice from a high-end dominatrix or something.

  2. Proven method: Call flight attendant and say (out loud): "I am sorry to bother you, but I would love to sit next to my husband. Are there any spare seats anywhere on the aircraft?...It's just that nobody around us wants to swap seats."

    ...then watch'em blush!!!!!!!!!!

  3. A dominatrix who probably doesn't even like to eat waffles on Swedish Waffles Day. Bitch!

    Off topic (and because I like to make everything about me in the end): your "Barrels of Monkeys" link to S & W links to somebody else's blog! Just pointing it out ...

  4. S: David did suggest a similar tactic, but the plane was about to take off. Another lady volunteered to move, then promptly fell fast asleep. At that point, I ordered a glass of wine and gave up the fight...

    DB: I'll fix the link. I'm so, so ashamed. Think of all the readers I've been depriving.

    The horror!

  5. Almost all dominatrixi (dominatrixes?) are disappointing people, I think it is because they get their way all the time.

    I would say all of them are awful but my chum Hannah is lovely. If you were sat next to her she would swap seats and probably lend you her lippy if you wanted it.

  6. As a former Latin scholar, I'm pretty sure "dominatrixes" is correct, Louche. But "dominitrixi" gets my vote anyway, because it's damn fun to say.

    The Seattle alternative paper has a dominiatrix columnist, Mistresse Matisse, who pens Control Tower. She seems a stand-up gal like your friend Hannah. But the amateurs I've met can grate a little ... You theory makes sense.