Jan 7, 2009

NO PLACE LIKE HOME FOR A PLUS-SIZED PURSE DOG

Waggles has an undescended third testicle. This – or possibly the fact he resents the name and resembling Toto – made him bark at me. And bark. And barkandbarkandBARK. Even though he'd moved into my backyard.

But wee macho dogs can't appreciate such niceties. "Alpha wolf!" scream their instincts, not yet devolved down to drop-kick size like their frames. So Waggles barked. For months. Until the walkies.

The first time, I left him to the dog sitter (technically, I was only wrangling cats while the neighbors were away). Jeff grimaced: "he's a dirty, dirty dog. Are those ... dreadlocks? Maybe they should shave him and start over."

"Let's make him tired," I suggested, leashing big, butterscotchy Cora. "Then he won't bark!"

After 1.5 miles, predictably, the only tuckered critters were the humans.

So I called in re-enforcements: my cousin Jenny and her terrier Bradie. And we walked those dogs good and proper – Ballard, across the locks, then to Discovery Park and around its vast, rugged loop. Five miles at least. We mooched back to the house right as dusk and more snow descended. I unclipped the lead.

Waggles began ping-ponging off my leg. Barking.

At least it's with joy now.

I think.

8 comments:

  1. Go and watch some episodes of the Dog Whisperer, as well as being brilliantly entertaining they are really helpful when dealing with naughty dogs.

    Louche

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  2. Wow I sound like one of those fake comments that you sometimes get where someone is just trying to generate traffic.

    I don't work for anyone to do with the Dog Whisperer, but when I was at war with a beagle his tips were really helpful.

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  3. Louche, you could never resemble a spambot. Your waistcoats are much better, for starters...

    I'll have to check out this Cesar Millan: everyone swears by him. And now that I've raised the walkies expectation, I can hardly stop entirely.

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  4. Woof, woof!

    (Not really much of a comment, but sometimes it's fun to make barking noises).

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  5. ...our pedigree chum....

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  6. Nothing pedigree about Waggles. A friend was leaning against the window sill this weekend and suddenly asked, "is that growling?"

    The little SOB had climbed onto a box, positioned himself right behind the guest's head and started snarling...

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  7. I have a feeling this conversation is going to the dogs...

    You are barking mad, petal!

    Love ya!

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  8. Love to you too, sweets. Come tame these monsters fore we are all et alive...

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